so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
