with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
