Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
how drunk are you?
Several
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
