Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize