my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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