Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
