My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize