You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
