mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
