Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
