your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
