just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
