He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Green mimosas i think yes
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
