i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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