Nicole vs. Life
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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