I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
