when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
false alarm. still invincible.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
