I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
