One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
