The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
