so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
