haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
this just has baby written all over it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
