mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
