I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
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I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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