In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
from now on my penis is your penis
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
