I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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