I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
smell my finger.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
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Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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