so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
