I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I want to fling myself into the sun
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
