so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
