I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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