I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
