Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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