Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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