it hurts more in the daytime
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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