I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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