So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
