the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
