I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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