She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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