she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just found puke in my bra..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
