You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Let's paint friendship bongs
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
