Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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