jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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