Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
vagina is talking i cant
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
