He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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