he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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