seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
