I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
