ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
