its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We're too hungover to prance.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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