I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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