Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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