my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
