One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
