I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
