I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he thought i was a dude.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
