I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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