I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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