There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's blow job season.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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