She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
