do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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