I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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