I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
