i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
