Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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