I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
