Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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