it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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