Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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