Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
