My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
