I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
