I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
