i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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