Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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