You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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