My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
