Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
