I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
