I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he high fived his dick after we had sex
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
