I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
