The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
